Thanksgiving

I know it’s Thanksgiving, and I should be doing “30 days of Thanks” or a “Thanksliving” post, but I’m thankful in a different way this year.

“I still remember praying for the things I have now.”

I have seen this quote around a lot lately, and it has really got me thinking about the time I spent praying for a baby. Even when I was a little girl, I dreamed of growing up and being a Mom. To some of you, waiting for 3 years is nothing. I know people who have been waiting for 7 years, or 10 years, or maybe they were never able to conceive at all. So to them, 3 years is humorous. But to me, 3 years was hard. 3 years was heart wrenching. 3 years felt like an eternity.

This time last year, at Thanksgiving, I remember sitting on my sister’s couch, tears rolling down my face, because I knew I’d never be a mom. It obviously just wasn’t in the cards for me.

Boy, am I thankful that God’s plans are so much better for me than my own. I had no idea as I sat, crying on that couch, that a little jellybean was already dancing around in my belly. I had no idea all that the Lord had in store for me. I had given up on being a mom. I had given up on the thought of ever feeling a baby inside of me. Don’t get me wrong, I hadn’t given up on God, I just felt like if it hadn’t happened after this long, it was going to happen.

I am so thankful for all that the Lord has taught me in the last year. There have been some hard days. Some days I still cry. But there are a lot more happy tears these days than sad ones.

Did I think that when God finally gave me a baby, that my heart’s desire was going to have a lifelong condition? Did a high-risk pregnancy ever even cross my mind?  Did I ever imagine that I was going to have to worry about neurosurgeons and physical therapists? You better believe the NICU didn’t cross my mind. Until I didn’t have a choice. Until all of those things became a reality. Until Spina Bifida came into our life.

I would be a big fat liar if I tried to tell you I never asked God “why me?” Spina Bifida hit me like a ton of bricks. Why would God make me wait 3 years, and then give me a disabled baby? I’m actually kind of ashamed, but I definitely asked those questions to God.

But ya’ll, Nehem is amazing. He is content and happy and way stronger than me. He growing and not fazed by all that he’s been through. He’s meeting milestones and sleeping all night (I probably should stop bragging about that before I’m jinxed). He brings me so much joy. God didn’t curse me with a baby with Spina Bifida. God blessed me with a baby that I not only wanted, but I needed. I needed him to remind me what’s really important in life. I needed him to change my definition of perfect. I needed him to remind me that with God, (and my sweet husband) I can make it through any trial. I needed him to remind me that I can't control every single situation. I needed him to remind me that when God reveals his plans to us, he seriously shows out.

So today, my friends, if you’re waiting, whether it’s for a baby, or a husband, or your dream job, or maybe you’re just waiting for an answer that Google can’t give you, don’t give up. Don’t quit praying. Because I promise you, God is going to bless you in a way you can’t even comprehend.

Happy Thanksgiving!