and then there were two under two

Being a parent is not for the faint of heart. I don’t care how many kids you have, how far apart they are, whether they are special needs or typically developing, or how old you are, parenting is hard freaking work. I’m certain that social media does us no favors, as we are constantly seeing other peoples’ highlight reels, comparing our lives, our kids, ourselves, and how we parent, to each other. The pressure is on, and most of that pressure is put on by none other than ourselves.

I’m a pretty independent girl. I think some of that has to do with losing my mom when I was 14. I think some of it has to do with being an introvert. I lived on my own from the time I was 18 until I got married at 22. I did what I want when I wanted. Shane and I were dating/engaged during that time, but he worked, I worked, and we were both in school. We hung out when we had time, but we both were pretty busy on our own. Then he moved away for a ministry position a year before we got married. I was in school, student teaching and super busy. I had no issue driving 4 hours by myself to see him on weekends when I was able, I just packed up and went. So…short story long, I can do things on my own. Sure, I’d RATHER have Shane with me, he’s my better half and honestly, we make a really good team, especially when it comes to parenting. But when it was just Nehem, it was no big deal for me to run somewhere on my own. I just threw Nehem in the car and off we went. Shane being on trips, or at work, or wherever never really affected if I went somewhere or not. It also helped that Nehem loves the car.

Honestly, until April 29 of this year, I really thought I was rocking this whole mom thing. I had a kid that was cute, sweet, he’s always slept, he’s always gone with the flow. Sure, we had a rough first month with 3 surgeries and hospital stays, but after that we just threw him in the car seat or stroller and he came along for the ride. We’ve taken him to restaurants, youth trips, church, wherever, whenever, he didn’t care. He let anyone hold him, anyone could feed him. As long as he got fed, he was content. Because Nehem was a NICU baby, he was never told that overstimulation was a thing. He slept with lights on, hooked up to monitors and IV’s, there was beeping, chatting, babies crying, and all kinds of noises—since day 1. He’s not a super deep sleeper now, but when he was a baby he could pretty much fall asleep anywhere (see below). He’d get tired, and he’d fall asleep. He might fuss a tiny bit…but I remember people saying “He just fell asleep? He didn’t even fuss?” And I was like…”you mean that’s not normal?”

Becoming parents totally changed our lives, but it didn’t completely disrupt our lives as we knew them. We kept doing what we had been doing, just with the cutest third wheel.

…and then there were two…

Our sweet, beautiful Mary-Catherine is a different story. She was tiny at birth, so she had to eat every 3 hours whether she woke up or not, until she got back up to birth weight. We were up every three hours for the first few weeks. I was trying to nurse, but we were having to supplement and it was rough. She didn’t want to sleep unless she was being held, and she cried…oh, did she cry…sometimes for hours. What was wrong? I’m still not sure. I had never felt exhaustion like that before. I felt like a first-time mom all over again.

 The sleeping thing has definitely improved, and she’s become a better sleeper at night. But she is not the go-with-the-flow-baby that Nehem was (and still pretty much is). She likes to be held a certain way, she likes to be swaddled a certain way, she loves her paci (sometimes), sometimes she loves her bottom patted at a certain tempo, defined only by her in that moment, and you better sway at the right speed—not too fast and not too slow, please and thank you.. Ok, I’m kind of exaggerating, but not totally. She’s just needier than Nehem, and while that’s totally fine; I knew I would never have TWO perfect children, it has really disrupted my independence.

Oh, and overstimulation is a real thing I'm learning about right now. MC needs dark, and quiet, something that was a foreign concept to Nehem.

Having two kids under two is a challenge all on its own. Having two IMMOBILE kids under two, is hard, ya’ll. It’s really hard. Just getting them in and out of the car on my own takes some work. I have to decide who goes in the car first, who goes in the shopping cart first, who’s easier to kidnap (yes that’s totally a thought when I’m by myself, and I’m not the only mom who has that thought so leave me alone). I have to decide if I need both diaper bags or if I have what I need in the one. If I’m at a store that doesn’t have cart returns in the parking lot, I have to break out the stroller for Nehem and wear MC. If I’m at a store with cart returns, I always try to find a spot right by the cart return so I can easily retrieve and return my shopping cart because I’m not about to be that mom that leaves her cart in the middle of the parking lot. I aint doin’ it, ok?

There’s just a lot more work that goes into taking 2 immobile kids out. When I have Shane with me, it’s no big deal, like I said, we make a great team and we each have unspoken jobs and we get it done. But Shane can’t ALWAYS be with me, and sometimes I need to do the things. But this little girl has disrupted my life. Sure, she’s disrupted it in the best kind of way. I wouldn’t trade her for the world. But I was unprepared for the independence I was going to lose when I had a Special Needs kid plus an infant. Just so we’re clear (and surely this goes without saying), I’m not the least bit upset at Nehem that he can’t walk. He’s amazing. Whether he never walks, or he someday runs. He’s perfect and walking is not the end-all-be-all for us. Independence is. So, there’s that.

But having two under two has changed me. It’s made me more dependent on others--which I hate. And it’s made me much, much more dependent on Christ. When I’m on a rare outing with my two alone, I’m praying for safety, for good attitudes (mostly from me), for patience (for me and for Nehem because toddlers, ya’ll), for endurance (southern humidity is NOT my friend), and for a sense of peace and calm. Something about having them both out alone makes me anxious. Especially with MC’s random crying fits.

Honestly, I’m not sure what the point of this post is, other than writing is soothing and this has been something on my mind. This transition has been anything but easy, and if you see me drinking a Venti Iced Coffee with unwashed hair and no make-up, while Nehem eats whipped cream from a Starbucks cup, don’t judge me. One day we'll get into a rhythm. Just know that getting out of the house with two under two is a lot of dang work right now.