Chosen?

Someone sent this meme to me about a month ago. I laughed for a solid 30 minutes. 

Then I started thinking. I've been sitting on this blog post since that day. What do I want to say, I mean really say? I've talked it out loud to Shane as well as my sister and maybe some other passing lucky people who I spill my guts to on occasion.

I also thought about how many times this exact thing has been said to me, by very well-intentioned people. No one has ever meant anything offensive at least I don't think so to Shane or myself when this has been said. 

But have you ever really stopped to think about what you're saying to someone when you say

"God only gives those special babies to special parents"?

You probably haven't. So let's break this down. What you're telling me, is that out of all of the babies born in the world, God chose Nehemiah, our son, to have Spina Bifida? THEN He chose Shane and me, out of all of the parents in the world, to be Nehemiah's parents?

I'm just not sure I can get behind that.

Let's go back to the beginning of time for just a hot second. Free will has been a thing since then. Adam and Eve were given an entire, beautiful garden, where they could lit-rally walk and talk with God. One choice was made and BAM. It was over. Sin. Sickness. Hurting. Pain. Suffering. That's all a result of sin. It was a consequence caused by a choice that was made by some humans. And let's be real, if Adam and Eve hadn't done it, it could have been Abraham, or Noah, or Moses, or maybe Billy Graham (fun fact:did you know he had a shunt?) or maybe it would have been me or you. Who knows? I'm not here to point fingers. I'm just saying that these things, that we as human experience, are a direct result of sin.

Ok. Back to my family.

I truly don't believe that God looked at the plan for mine and Shane's life and said "These ones. they'll be good ones for this kid with Spina Bifida. And this baby. Maybe his parents will name him Nehemiah. I think I'm gonna leave his spine hanging out of his body. That'll cause them to rely on me a little more than before..."

Now don't get me wrong, there's A LOT about God I don't understand. I'd like to say that I have a list of questions I'm going to ask Him when I get to heaven. But let's be honest...at that point I'm probably not going to care all that much. Especially since I'll be standing in the presence of God Himself. That's pretty incredible. I don't think unanswered questions from earth are even going to be a thought in my brain.

So having said that, maybe I've got God pegged all wrong. Maybe he DID choose for Nehem to have Spina Bifida. Maybe he did CHOOSE for Nehem to not feel his legs. Maybe he did CHOOSE that Nehem would have a lifetime of doctors, appointments, surgeries, check ups, brain MRIs. Maybe, just maybe, He did choose that. 

But I just have a really hard time believing that.

Did Spina Bifida surprise God? When Shane and I prayed as we were driving to our anatomy scan almost two years ago, did He know what we were going to find out? Did God gasp like we did when the doctor said, "neural tube defect?"

Probably not.

You see, God was not surprised by this life we are living. God wasn't surprised that Nehem had a neural tube defect, myelomeningocele, resulting in Spina Bifida. God knows our future. God knows what's going to happen. Maybe He even knew how we would respond to it. First with fear, then with "why us?" Maybe He knew we were going to question Him for a tim before we decided that with Him, we were ready to take this on. There hasn't been a day since that day that I (and I'm sure I can say the same for Shane) haven't had to rely on God for something Spina Bifida related. We needed God to get through this. We will continue to need Him every day of our lives. With or without Spina Bifida. 

My prayer is that Nehem will understand how much God has done in him and through him and he will understand that he, also, needs God.

As Shane and I talked through this post, he helped me add that God doesn’t give people sickness, pain, or disabilities. God didn’t give my sweet mom or my precious grandma cancer. God didn’t give Nehem Spina Bifida. Sin really jacked up our world when it came into existence and let a lot of bad things in that were not a part of God’s plan. Sickness, death, and anything evil were never a part of what God had in mind for us. He is not a God that sits in heaven saying “Dance, Puppets, Dance!” handing out terrible things to people based on who they are or what they’ve done. He’s not looking to smite us for our faults. 

That’s not who God is. 

He is hoping that we run to Him so that He can pick us up and redeem our lives with His mercy and grace. Bad things and diagnoses happen every day to many people, BUT He is still good, and He consistently works through those bad things to redeem them and use them for His glory. 

and in that process, our relationship with Him is strengthened tenfold

He has given us peace, joy, understanding, and patience beyond all understanding. He has allowed our paths to cross other families who are dealing with similar diagnoses and conditions, some a little ahead of us in their journey, and some a little behind us. Some whom have become the best of friends. He has provided financial assistance when we received tens of thousands of dollars of medical bills in the mail. He has provided more than I could ever list on this blog post.

He loves us. He loves Nehem. And I hope the way we have tried to point others to Him throughout this diagnosis has brought Him joy.

But.

I don't think He chose for this to be our life.